When the Homily is about Immunology

Questions

I realize that I am not the man, the father, or the human being that I'd like to think I am...or perhaps to be more fair to myself I am not the man, the father, or the human being that I wish I was. Details of the list of reasons for this understanding of myself could go on forever (regular readers of my blog and real world friends no doubt know many of them), but I think it eventually boils down to selfishness - but I truly do not think it is a regular sort of selfishness (yes, I do believe I am worse than all of you!). It is a selfishness that is utterly out of control, a selfishness that causes me to doubt whether I truly know how to love, a selfishness that is destroying the story that my life should be telling.

Quiet times of self-reflection often lead me on fantastic journeys of gloriously succesful self-improvement. Reality always seems to crowd in...eventually. But I drift back into reality with a distant and foggy notion that there is a real me, a truer me, a potential me out there somewhere. Presently, I am left and challenged (thank you!)with two question that I intend to (and indeed must) wrestle with.

What is the story of selfishness in my life?

and

When do I feel most like myself?