An unworthy Deacon, named for the brother of God: James, striving to "work out his salvation with fear and trembling" within the Tradition (paradosis) of the Eastern Orthodox Faith. It is a strange and marvelous journey, and I am accompanied by the fourfold fruit of my fecundity. My wife, the Matushka or Diaconissa Sophia, is my beloved partner in the pursuit of Theosis, and she ranks me in every way.
Like that old Foreigner song, I seriously want to know what love is. I talk about it a great deal and I tell people that I feel it in regards to them...but I don't think I really have a grasp on the PRACTICE of love. I am simply FAR FAR FAR too self-involved. Reaching beyond myself to love others sometimes feels as difficult as a drowning man who cannot swim trying to stay on the surface of the water.
I know what love LOOKS like. But day in and day out, do I practice it? Once in a great while, the cold selfish heart is stirred to warmth and love for others...but it doesn't happen enough.
I found this quote today:
God is a fire that warms and kindles the heart and inward parts. Hence, if we feel in our hearts the cold which comes from the devil - for the devil is cold - let us call on the Lord. He will come to warm our hearts with perfect love, not only for Him but also for our neighbor, and the cold of him who hates the good will flee before the heat of His countenance.
St. Seraphim of Sarov
Without a doubt, I do NOT call on the Lord enough. So, should I expect anything to change given this?