When the Homily is about Immunology

The Sins of Pride and Judgment

No doubt the topics warrant a work of Dostoevkian proportions, but we are dealing with my humble little world here, and so I ask this simple question:

What do you do when you believe that someone has inappropriately passed judgment upon you?

Well…I suppose one could offer the most simple answer: nothing. No doubt in my mind that there is truth and healing in this approach, but alas in the present example much more is involved that precludes the “ease” of simply ignoring it. Now, mind you, the external consequences of what is happening are decidedly secondary to the internal ones I am wrestling with, but both need to be dealt with. The extent to which the internal ones are more critical than the external, has led me to conclude that I must deal with them as a priority…in fact, they may be the only ones over which I have any control.

Right now, I find myself furiously running between two points (as though I were stuck in a pickle between first and second base). At first base, the safety is found in standing strong and pronouncing rebuke and correction. At second, is found the safe haven of capitulating martyrdom. As I scurry back and forth between the two, I find myself pondering whether there is REAL safety to be found on either base such that by planting my foot on the bags, the ground beneath me will collapse under the weight of my pride. Safety is perhaps an illusion.

But I am trying to look at the whole issue in as holy a way as I can muster (yea, I know, good freaking luck!). But here’s one thing I’ve come up with:

Are my “accusers” right?

Is there some aspect of my life in which the issue being raised needs to be more closely examined? Even if not entirely true, or even based on inaccurate rumor, is there something amiss in my moral life that I have been blind to and needs correction? Instead of looking for the log in the eyes of the persons trying to get the speck out of mine, take their diagnosis of my life seriously – regardless of their own ailments. Alas, I might sadly add that those who question me, have not directly questioned me…but none-the-less I may take to heart the whole affair as potentially being constructive criticism.

In the end, my response should NOT be to attempt to redeem myself in the eyes of others, but to use the whole ugly affair as another stepping-stone in my road of salvation. Let it hurt, let it rub me the wrong way…but let me struggle to NOT lash out, to not seek the safety of either of the aforementioned bases, but rather to simply sit down in the dirt and admit that I was out before I even hit the ball.

If nothing else, I have learned to recognize judgment when it all too frequently escapes my heart and lips.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.