When the Homily is about Immunology

Deserving Communion

My eldest daughter is at an age where she is teetering on the edge of adopting more "advanced" Orthodox practices, such as fasting completely before communion and going to regular confession. We - and by that I mean particularly my wife - have been talking to her about it and reading through a Russian children's book about confession (translated into English of course).

She voluntarily decided that she wanted to start skipping the small breakfast we typically offer our little ones on Sunday mornings, and has been doing great with it. But yesterday she had a REALLY tough time because she said that she hadn't eaten much dinner the night before and was terribly hungry.

I came into the living room after my shower to see her sheepishly eating some toast at the table. I asked, "So, you've decided not to take communion today?"

She cited to me her reasoning and then after I'd headed off to round up shoes for one of the kids or something like that, she started to cry. And I heard her say, "I don't deserve to take communion..."

Now I should have intervened right then and there, and frankly I am quite irked at myself for not doing so, but with the hecticness of sunday morning life in our house, I don't think that either my wife nor I were in a proper frame of mind. Later my wife and I discussed how we ought to approach the situation: since SHE made the choice to start fasting, should we "enforce" it and refuse to let her go to the Chalice?

It was during matins that I really think I gained some clarity, and I asked God to forgive me for my lack of it earlier, because frankly I think there was a serious problem with my daughter's thinking on the matter - and it was our fault. I keep hearing in my head: "Suffer the little children to come unto me...suffer the little children to come unto me..." As Matins wound down, I leaned over to my wife and explained what I thought was best and she agreed readily. And so, when Kelsey arrived from Church School to begin Liturgy with us, I took her outside and this is the jist of what I told her:

"God loves you so much, Kelsey. And you need to understand, honey that no one DERSERVES communion...not mommy, not daddy, not anyone - no matter if they fasted perfectly and said ALL their communion prayers. It is out of God's love that we are able to take communion. We fast and we say our prayers so that we are better prepared to take communion, but we don't cheat God when don't say our prayers or don't fast - we cheat OURSELVES out of an opportunity to practice discipline and to experience communion in a deeper way."

I don't want my kids to see Orthodox piety as a yoked forced upon them by their parents...for how easy it is to rebel against such things. Rather, they are tools...blessed tools that bring us into our religion more deeply, more sensuously (oh how I love the fact that we have a sensuous faith!), and more HONESTLY. For as we were reminded by the recent fast-free week: in and of themselves, these tools are worthless and that without God and His love they can be used for no good purpose. And nobody approaches the Chalice deserving it...and I am ashamed that I had not made that clearer to my daughter sooner. Lord have mercy!

Our talk ended with a hug and me apologizing. We then both went inside and approached communion together, with fear and love.