Paradosis

December 04, 2007

Go Green...stay married!

Money well spent, I suppose: The NIH (i.e. your tax dollars) has apparently funded a study to see how divorce affects the impending catastrophe of global warming. And they found that it does indeed dramatically increase your carbon footprint. So, preserve your marriage and save the planet!

Heck, given this news, I think divorce should be made illegal immediately. Or at the very least we should have government mandated divorce limits imposed like the mileage minimums for cars or something. Maybe a certain percentage of all marriages must by hybrids (i.e. gay = NO KIDS, good for the planet).

Apparently, ANYTHING can be funded these days as long as the study proposal includes "global warming" in the title. Don't get me wrong, I too find our divorce rates absurd and depressing...and...umm...what in 'tarnation is "Divorce Magazine" anyway? A magazine devoted to divorce? Truly the world has gone crazy.

Anyway, sorry...sidetracked by the asinine...I'll try not to be too cynical...who knows maybe this will actually preserve a few marriages. But I'm guessing not even the most hardcore tree hugging, weeping over their carbon sins, environmental activist is gonna hang with a spouse they don't like anymore. We've been too trained to just quit. We'll see though.

Seeing the trend, I'm writing a study proposal and sending it to the NIH. Title: "Bacterial CO2 production in infected moose bites amongst uncircumcised aboriginal peoples and its effect on climate change."

Hey, look at that, I just got an email: the NIH got wind of my study plans and has earmarked 300K for me. They say they can offer three times that amount if we end up having a "first gentleman" in 2009.

Nice. Working on study proposal #2...I'm thinking polar bear flatulence and abstinence education...surely there is a connection I can find.