As time goes by...

It goes by very slowly when you are ill and alone. I cannot sleep as my headache has returned this evening to pester me. Oddly enough, in such situations I tend to think ALOT about the "big picture" in life. That grand and intricate tapestry, whose beauty cannot be discerned from inside here...all we hear inside are tales and legends. Hmmm...perhaps this is the medicine typing?

Who has not had the question posed to them: "What would you do if you had only a day to love?" Really now, it is an infantile question wouldn't you say? With noticeably more gray in my beard this winter I feel qualified to say that an adult question might better be phrased: "What would you do if you had an eternity to live?"

Bringing it home now: If I truly believed and lived in eternity...oh how my life would be different! Oh how the quality of life would be broadened if we would only come to understand a miniscule fraction of what eternity really means and what it really is. But eternity to us must transcend the head and find it's home in our hearts and in our hands (This, I believe is part of what I mean to say to truly understand and live eternity). What the hell good does it do for me to believe it, but not feel it or not live it! Isn't this sorta what my Patron wrote about in regards to that false dichotomy of works and faith?

Of course in days of yore I would say: "Real and true belief inspires real and true works." Nonesense. I believe and know eating that piece of cake is bad for my health, but I'll do it anyway. I believe and know smoking that pipe is horrible for my teeth and gums, but I'll do it anyway.

When I wake in the morning, it will be the first day for the rest of eternity. My life MUST be changed. It MUST be Transfigured. I cannot go on like this for an eternity.

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