...offered by Dn. fdj, a sinner at 7:53 AM [+]
I recognize that I am man beset by pride. Hell, I am beset by many passions...but I am thinking about pride at the moment. I had confession on Lazarus saturday and while it was a good experience, I think I experienced more repentence the night before during the Pre-sanctified Liturgy during which God made me acutely aware of my hidden pride. Confession then became a confirmation of this and a final cleansing...well final, in a temporary sense. My priest reminded me that confession is a powerful exercise in humility...yes, yes it truly is. Sometimes I hate it - which is usally a good indicator of something that is exceptionally good for me.
Do you think that worrying too much about what other people think about you is a form of pride? I do now...perhaps some of you are amazed that I am only just now realizing this? You've not read my blog long enough.
I sometimes find myself feeling as though other people are judging me...in many regards, not the least of which is my children's behavior in Church. As I look into my heart I can see that I am too often less interested in raising my children into people who will LOVE Liturgy, and much more vainly interested in NOT being embarrassed by their behavior. Well...no more of that fecal matter...I reject it! And I reject the judgements of those who may or may not be judging me.
I suppose a truly humble and holy person would not have any notion at all of what others thought of him or her...rather they would ever be responding to God's love and a desire to express it to others. Well, therein is perfection...the target to aim for. Doing what is right, not because it appears right to others, but because it is quite simply the right thing to do.
It's all about attitude, right? Well, yes, for the most part. So how do I know that what I am doing is being done with the proper attitude?
Well, the easiest way for me to identify a wrong attitude is simply by observing whether or not I get angry. For instance when one of my children begins to slash at the air with his blessed Palm branch during the Liturgy; do I react with anger, fearing that some ninny back in the back will be scandalized (remember: evangelicals are offended, Orthodox are scandalized) by such treatment of a blessed object...or do I calmly stop him and explain to him the importance of what he is holding...ever realizing that no human being can reasonably expect to shove any long semi-rigid object into the hand of a 3 year old boy and expect him not to imagine wielding a sword during a boarding action. Heck, I was half tempted to imagine such!
Anyway, rambling thoughts on the journey toward illumination, purification, and deificiation...all amidst Holy Week.