An unworthy Deacon, named for the brother of God: James, striving to "work out his salvation with fear and trembling" within the Tradition (paradosis) of the Eastern Orthodox Faith. It is a strange and marvelous journey, and I am accompanied by the fourfold fruit of my fecundity. My wife, the Matushka or Diaconissa Sophia, is my beloved partner in the pursuit of Theosis, and she ranks me in every way.
Fr. Christopher sent me THIS thought provoking article recently. I'm actually in the process of rereading it because not only is it fascinating in its philosophical and religious ruminations or that it illumines many things with regard to social and bioethics, but more than these, this article really moved me personally. Especially "The Remembered Death."
For some reason in recent weeks the reality of death has been pressing upon me...no do not worry I don't think I am receiving some mystical call for preparation - though should that call not always be upon us? Rather I just have these moments of clarity and sobriety where I realize that I am getting old and that the future does not belong to me, it belongs to these kids of mine for whom I do not do enough. Again, the future is not mine, it is theirs. Will my death be like Jacob's?
These fleeting moments of clarity have also really helped me to see how insane our living can be. I really do act as if I am going to live forever...why else would I waste so much time on such trivial things? Our children are our future...in a way our lives are done and we must invest in theirs. Love and cherish them for the time is short. Our approaching death, as our society images it today, can actually be seen as a reason to abandon our children (and of course our elderly). How perverse...no wonder we shall see cloning for the harvesting or organs as we continue to fight a desperate battle that has already been won.
Read the article....glean from it. Love conquers death, it begins in the loving of our children so that they may receive the torch from us as we "sit up" on our death beds.
If I may say....What old??? You are in the prime of your life! I would not say that it is old age you are feeling as the disparity of time between yourself and your children. You have reached an age where the differences are more apparent. What you experienced is so very very different from what your children are assailed with in life. it is that which makes you feel the "weight of your years".