When the Homily is about Immunology

Prayer

A friend asked me recently to talk to him about the Orthodox approach to prayer…in complete honesty I told him that I have little experience in such matters and would instead send him the wonderful book Beginning to Pray by the newly reposed Metropolitan ANTHONY May his memory be eternal!

But, as I drove in to work this morning, it got me thinking about my prayers…

The morning is darker than usual afforded by a gray blanket across the sky – another blessed respite from the unusual heat and sun we’ve suffered under for too long now. I am overly tired, staying up much too late these last few days, but none-the-less stumble me way out of bed and into the still unfinished bathroom – it taunts me.

The icon corner waits and looks almost disappointed when I pass it by after showering and brushing my teeth. I pour my coffee and look at the clock on the stove: 5:50am – I am running late, again. As I lumber past the Icons, St. John the Theologian catches my attention. He looks at me as if to say: “Hey, I’m new here…do you ever visit this place or do we just sit here alone doing nothing?”

Apparently so…as I walk out the door I assuring myself that I will set my alarm 15 minutes earlier from now on, so that I can go and keep St. John (and the host of others who adorn my wall) company in the morning. Another in a long list of forgotten promises made to myself? Hopefully not. I lost today, tomorrow awaits.

"God is, in a certain sense, a last judgement. Whenever we come into the presence of God, whether in the sacraments or in prayer, we are doing something which is full of danger because, according to the words of scripture, God is a fire."
- Met. ANTHONY

Perhaps this is what I fear? Regardless, how dare I speak of prayer when I am constantly struggling to engage in it? Something so essential to the Orthodox Faith, something I KNOW has been profoundly beneficial to my Christian journey! For that matter, what business do I have to speak of God at all...as if I knew Him?!?!?! Please!

All of my Christian life has been one in which I have filled my brain with immense amounts of theological knowledge. I know all about God (so I think). But now I am confronted with a faith which tells me that I am to EAT God, which I cannot understand, I cannot rationalize it, I cannot study it - break it down and examine it. Rather in reverse, it does all of this to me! I realize that I am like a chef who knows all about cooking, but has never in his life tasted anything. Understand what I am saying here: head knowledge is wonderful and important, but unless it is subject to something MUCH greater it simply leads me to arrogance. Humility, so powerfully emphasized in the words of the Holy Fathers and Mothers of the Church, I believe can ONLY be achieved (or even beguin to be tasted) in the realm of prayer.