Time+love=humility
Parenting really takes humility. Yes, in the sense that you MUST set your life, your desires, your will aside...but also in the sense that you must be able to honestly recognize your failings - even if someone else brings them to your attention. (Ever notice how much harder it is to deal with that?) I wonder if Orthodoxy has not helped me (some) to recognize and accept judgment rendered by others?
It's easier to say than to truly do...even harder to further do something more than just recognize.
Sometimes you really throw up your hands not knowing what to do. So many behavioral failings are a direct result of those raising the child...again, easier to say when thinking of someone else's kid....much harder to swallow the pill yourself.
You ever feel like you need a serious "do over"? You ever worry if it is too late?
No, it's never too late for love. I do believe in love...but love is nothing unless it is practiced - obviously. I also believe in tough love, but at some point I have to admit that yelling and corporal punishment will accomplish nothing without love.
Discipline to satisfy our frustration and anger is ripe for failure. But I need to learn to discipline for the sake of love. It requires sacrifice, both of time and effort. It means setting aside my "adult" things (even those that truly are important) and getting my REAL priorities straight. Follow through and consistency are often very difficult. It's too easy to be lazy. My gosh, there are FOUR of them...how many hours are there in a day?
Manifesting parental failures (and knowing that others see them) is a difficult thing to deal with. Emotions run rampant, bellowing out in every directing like an explosion, and looking beyond them is both critical and difficult.
Patience, love, and humility. Mastering them (to at least SOME degree) is the key to being a good parent. I'm working on it. It begins like the first step of AA: I can see.
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I'm not sure I trust my heart. Writing an talking helps me to sort it out. I'd appreciate input from experienced parents.
One question, how do you think a child( with a childs mind) learn to respect their parents?
An essay question I assume? I'm not sure I am qualified to answer. What I have learned is that there is never any simple answers for parenting. Use of the rod, in and of itself isn't a cure all. It certainly isn't the answer to garnering respect. Personally I've no qualms in using it, but have found more is needed.
I am thinking a great deal about my own example to the kids...as they tend to mimic us. Do they see more love or anger from me? More giving or taking? More selflessness or selfishness? Do I yell at them more than I cuddle with them? Do they hear ANY affirmation from me...or little more than harsh corrections?
The sins of the father are visited upon the son...I think I understand that verse now.
Each parent has their own issues to wrestle with I am sure. I'd be very much interested in hearing some veterans discuss their failings and possible solutions to those failings.
As parents, if we could have a "do over" what would we do differently?
Everything.
sf
I can certainly relate to that sentiment.
I rather think my kids have grown to see me as a tyrant. Oh sure, Dad has a rod, but that doesn't garner respect. Leadership is at issue here. Curiously enough I am led to remember the movie 300.
Xerxes says, "I would gladly kill any one of my soldiers to achieve victory."
Leonidas responds, "And I would gladly die for any one of mine."
Who earned true respect from his troops? Ok, surely an exotic and outlandish example, but I think there is truth there.
I've not communicated enough, I've not patiently guided enough, I've not shown love enough. I've not been consistent in my discipline, rather executing justice on a whim or when I deemed myself offended.
Is this making sense?
I can see in my mind how I ought to be as a father...but when the time comes that image vaporizes and vanishes. I need to work the keep that image alive.