The Daddy Daughter Dance
Each year around Valentine's Day, the Kitsap Parks and recreation department sponsors a "Daddy Daughter Dance." Unfortunately I did not learn about it in time and so I will have to attend next year (the Feb 10th date is untenable).
Typically, some PC anti-traditionalist Nazi is complaining: HERE.
Naturally, I cannot let such a letter go unanswered. Here is my reply which was just sent to the Kitsap Sun.
In a letter published in the February 6th edition, a reader complains that the Kitsap Daddy-Daughter dance is not inclusive enough. Celebrations with a theme are always exclusive to varying degrees, for example: my birthday party is rather exclusive of yours, one couples 50th wedding anniversary party is exclusive of yours, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is exclusive of other civil rights activists, Mother's Day is exclusive of fathers, Ground Hog's day is exclusive of all other varieties of mammals, and July 4th is exclusive of other nations' independence.
If the organizers of the Daddy-Daughter Dance wished to take one night to celebrate that very special, critically important (reams of psychological data demonstrate so), traditional, beautiful, mislabeled as "archaic"(did she REALLY say archaic? How unfortunate) tried and true, relationship between a father and his daughter(s) then I would rejoice with them and encourage them to continue just as it is.
If someone would like to celebrate a different type of relationship, and yes it would be a different type of relationship, then by all means organize a celebration and have fun with it. Had I known about the Daddy Daughter dance beforehand I would have been there, count me in for next year.
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sf
http://seattlewolf.com/Article.asp?id=345842&spid=9825
Let's shut that down too because it dosn't recognize that there may be some gay and lesbian couples who might feel excluded. Sheesh!
sf
Guess who?
Are we suppose to feel bad every time our children can't do exactly what their friends are doing all the time??? Puh-lease!
Why do they have to feel left out? That's what I'm not getting. There were no "invites" sent to specific people. Said friends family decides to get all guzzied up and go to the ballet. will a little girl feel left out and "forced to go through the pain" of watching her best friend go to the ballet wondering why she can't go. I don't see much difference.
Sorry...I went on too long.
Assuming we'd be there (we're out of town this weekend), if DH couldn't go, we would have invited a grandpa or Godfather. Eventually, we would have worked our way down to you, James...be afraid :-o
It's really is a simple matter.
Sympathy? Absolutely, you bet...tons. However, to what extent do I let this sympathy impinge upon my life? For example, I have sympathy for people who do not have enough food in the world and I will do what I can for such people...BUT I will still sit down to my Thanksgiving dinner.
By the inclusive logic we ought to cancel Father's Day and Mother's Day for the sake of those who do not have a father or mother to celebrate with. Would I cancel a celebration of my 25th wedding anniversary for the sake of those who either never married or were divorced? Shall we cancel Valentine's Day celebrations because as we all know at some point in our lives a February 14th was not a happy occasion. We do well to grow strong from such times, as opposed to forcing others to curb their celebrations for the sake of our sensitivities.
More and more we are living in society in which everyone is free to toss about everywhere the eggshells of their misfortune (whatever they may be) and demand that no one else step upon them. Soon none of us will be able to dance at all and the only celebrations will be ones in which the "MC" kicks things off by saying, "We are here to celebrate....whatever you want to celebrate."
The simple fact that this woman in her letter felt she could refer to the Father-Daughter relationship as archaic is evidence to me that we REALLY need to celebrate that institution. Dad's are important, thank them and God for those who are not deadbeats. Celebrate them even.
http://blogs.kitsapsun.com/kitsap/letters/archive/2007/02/daddydaughter_dance_a_relation.html#comments
Dads are important and the world would be wonderful if everyone had one in their lives. But if I didn't have one and my mother was the only "fatherly" figure in my life, I'd celebrate father's day with her by my side. Does a Daddy have to be the standard "male" figure that society has pegged him to be?
Should we celebrate fathers and the relationship between them and their daughters/sons? Absolutely! So, I will take my daughter to the Daddy/daughter dance and proudly celebrate the fact that I am both her mother and her father.
As I understand the event, it was funded by private sources, hence no taxes were used save the use of Park and Rec facilities and as long as those facilities are equally available to other privately funded events there is no issue with regard to taxes.
"Does a Daddy have to be the standard "male" figure that society has pegged him to be?"
I would say yes, actually. Males and females are inherently different. I cannot EVER be a mother to my children anymore than I could give birth to them. The popular tendency to negate the differences between males and females is wrong-headed, short-sighted, and ignorant both of science and traditional cultural/religious understanding.
"So, I will take my daughter to the Daddy/daughter dance and proudly celebrate the fact that I am both her mother and her father."
This stands to be an emotionally charged issue, it shouldn't be, but alas it is. I think it would be better - especially for the kids because they will see themselves standing out - to simply sponsor a Mother-Daughter dance or something else special for Moms and daughters to do. As I noted we could spend the rest of our lives walking on each other's egg shells. But how crazy does that end up being? Will we seriously see single mom's getting greeting cards saying "Happy Father's Day"? Or perhaps would we see legislation demanding that greeting card companies make "Father's Day" card that specifically note that some women are like a father to their children?
Or would it be better for families without fathers simply to ignore the holiday like Jews and Muslims do Christmas?
I mean, really, I grew up being obese in High School hence I KNOW very well what it means to feel excluded. But I would not and did not demand a fundamental change in the how things like Proms or Physical Education classes are done.
We cannot possibly - nor should we I think - make every aspect of our social lives all-inclusive. In my simple mind, our drive to being a diverse culture would mean that we can actually have some manner of exclusive celebrations without hurt feelings or even lawsuits. Diversity is meaningless if we imagine our diversity isn't really diverse. If that makes sense.
We do our children absolutely no service whatsoever to sugar-coat everything that comes to them. LIFE IS HARD!
What will happen when they grow up and you aren't there to sugar-coat it for them?
Watch out! Talk about misery.
Yeah, some have fathers, some do not. Some have mothers, some do not. Some celebrate Christmas, some do not. Some celebrate Hanukkah, some do not. Are you going to buy your kids gifts for Hanukkah because their best friends are Jewish?
Yes, James, I guess this is emotionally charged topic.
It's okay, folks, we all have our issues to wrestle with in life and while we should be sympathetic to our various struggles we cannot force others join us in them, which is what I think we do when we over strive to be inclusive.
LIFE it not fair and that's very evident by the fact that some children are born with a mother and a father and some are not. They are already EXCLUDED from having a bond with the missing parent. So, let's make it worse on them and exclude them from this public event. What kind of compassion is that?
Do I feel bad when my kids are excluded? Of course I do. And if I can avoid it, I will. Children with single parents (or same sex parents) are going to learn a lot of lessons, THE HARD WAY. So tell me why do we need to teach them another painful lesson, when its not necessary?
You may have been obese in high school, but you were still allowed to go Prom.. you may not have been able to find a date, but you were not excluded.
Should I buy a Hannakuh present for my child because his best friend is getting one? No, I probably wouldn't. But the lesson learned with the Daddy/Daughter dance is one that already has an open wound..... and I don't think its compassionate to pour salt in it.
I wouldn't be surprised if there are Father's Day cards for single Mom's.
Again, I don't think I am communicating here with you:
1. Alternative events are perfectly available if people would like it.
2. By the logic that celebrating the father-daughter relationship is a cruel thing for the father or daughterless, then we have a whole host of other issues to deal with as I have mentioned before: father's day, mother's day, valentines day, your anniversaries, my anniversaries, birthdays etc etc etc ad nauseum...all of these are going to be in some way or another salt in somebody elses wound. Where does it end? Are we allowed to publicly celebrate ANYTHING if we walk about with the level of "compassion" you propose?
You cannot celebrate your anniversary because so and so has never been able to find a spouse...or so and so has never been able to have a successful marriage. You cannot celebrate your five year olds birthday because some people lost their children before the age of five or some people have never been able to have children. You cannot have a Valentines Day dance because some people do not have a Valentine. Where does it end?
"I wouldn't be surprised if there are Father's Day cards for single Mom's."
Which shows just how crazy things are. A mom is not a dad as surely as a rock is not a feather. Kids with a single mom are not kids whose mom was both a mom and a dad to them, they were quite simply kids without a dad. I appreciate the sentiment, but it is a sentiment that (if we wish to walk on each other's egg shells) is demeaning to the important role of fathers and mothers to suggest that one can do the job of the other.
Once we've spread our eggshells all over we will find none of us can dance anymore...and that is exactly the direction we are headed. One person's celebration is an insult to someone else who cannot celebrate the same thing, how absurd is that?
If a public event is held in honor of Valentines Day, I do not think it should be exclusive to just couples. Plus this event would not generally affect children.. We are adults and parents and we try to protect our children from harm. If the father/daughter dance is exclusive, it could really be painful for some children.
And why can't a card be available for a mother on Fathers Day? Its not hurting anyone and could quite possibly "make" a single Mom's Day.
So what if its "public" or not...I thought we were talking about being nice and compassionate? Why have a huge 50th anniversary party inviting dozens or more if you might hurt someone's feelings.
Besides I think we already established that the D-D Dance was not funded by public dollars. Plus, I'll bet you'd be hard pressed to find a single daughter or son or whatever who wept bitter tears and will be forever effected for not being able to attend this event - let alone find anyone who did not attend who even knew much of anything about it.
At some point we ought to assert the right of some groups and events to be exclusive, like the Boy Scouts who to my knowledge do let allow girls in.
And why can't a card be available for a mother on Fathers Day?
Well, LOL, of course people can do whatever crazy sort of thing they want, but c'mon...we have a mother's day for mothers. Blending the roles of Mother and Father is a bad idea...it is erroneous and I think takes away from the uniqueness of the mother-child/father-child relationship. They are different.