When the Homily is about Immunology

The Old Pentecostal in me

Alana said, over a cup of Morning Coffee, it's too easy for me to confuse an emotional experience with a spiritual experience. The two are not the same.

This has finally forced me to put into words something I've been thinking about since last wednesday evening when we dragged all the kids to Vespers. Usually we don't, the boys' bedtime was just too close to that time frame and at that point in the evening these kids were precariously close to "meltdown mode" (parents will know what I mean.) But, bedtime has begun to change and we've decided it is important for all of us to be there.

I'm guessing I heard a grand total of 14 words. And I sang 8 of them myself. The rest of the evening was composed from my own mouth and amounted to a massive cornucopia of "Shhh...stop it...be quiet...put your shoes back on....stand up...don't hit your sister...don't run...stand still...and shhhh"

Soooooo....did I worship? You see, inbred in me is this idea that to have a "good" time of worship I must have some emotional high. I should feel something. Tears, laughter...something. Sometimes I even catch myself entering into the Nave with a mind that says: "I am REALLY going to worship this time!" Only to have my hopes dashed when something on par to my 1 year old son nearly destroying the relic of the True Cross happens. But are my hopes legitimate...or are they false hopes that are illfounded to begin with?

Surely this is why we AG'ers would send our kids away during the worship. Oddly enough, this is not the Orthodox way. Typically we haul the kids into the work (sometimes called liturgy) right along with us. Is this good? Yes, I think so in many ways - they are as much apart of our community as we adults (remember, we dunk these kids in the Baptismal waters...they ARE Christians!) and the Eucharist is fully realized when the entirety of the Church is gathered.

Anyway...sometimes there are intense and emotional experiences and sometimes there are not. But we eat God none-the-less, which is of course a profound spiritual (and physical) experience. I find that the extent to which my heart is in the right place during liturgy can be quickly and easily discerned by how I react to my kids' antics. Therein, can be true worship found.

I always interpretted "worship in spirit and truth" as being how I worshipped in my AG church (as opposed to how the dead liturgical churches worshipped). One of those verses we are so good at using as arrows directed at others, but never to ourselves. God's been "telling" me that upon entering the nave I should expect rather to look inward and fix that which manifests anger at my kids when they do things like nearly destroying the True Cross. THAT is worship. If I grown too angry with my kids, I will not approach the chalice...too dangerous.