The shortness of life

Some ferry-ride ramblings about death.

The almost unendurable reality of death sometimes comes home to roost in one's mind. Most of life we tend to either deny or ignore it, but as one grows older, like the nagging notion of the necessary financial preparations we need to make for retirement, we begin to more and more consider our mortality.

I can still clearly recall the coldness and emptiness I used to conjure in my mind when I would ponder death, which to me at the time meant ceasing to exist. It was not very much fun and with brute force I would push the thought away from me.

Some people, I am guessing, go through much of their lives fighting off these thoughts - those who embrace death as non-existence in particular. With so many material self-satisfying distractions I suppose the fight is easier. Those of us who are believers are often accused of "inventing" our faith as a sort of distraction from the cold reality of this world, but if they are right we have done no less than anyone else. Who can sit amidst sanity and spend more than a fleeting moment contemplating their impending and hopeless doom?

We may wipe these contemplations from our minds with our toys, our hobbies, our drugs, our alcohol, the fulfillment of our sexual appetite (I am reminded of the sage advice of "Little Miss Sunshine's" grandfather - the quintessential hedonist), our families, our job, or whatever. Anything to keep us busy.

I am, of course, not in any position to judge people. But with that said (or written) I will go on to do just that. I've actually met people who are greater materialists than I am...which is hard to imagine. Perhaps it was just that they were not shy of their materialism? I don't know. But I was truly taken aback by the extent to which he laid bare - unashamedly - that his life's mission to succeed, materially speaking. But why should this shock us? Like the rest of us, albeit more successfully than some of us, he is avoiding the contemplation of mortality. But before we ponder the other guy too long, let us consider what we are distracting ourselves with.

Orthodoxy, unlike I think my past Christian experiences, does not offer some "get out of jail" free card. While the joy of the Incarnation, Resurrection, and our baptism INTO these things is very real. We are no less encouraged to contemplate our impending death. Rather than an insurance policy, it is a workout regiment and method for avoiding the need of an insurance policy. No analogy is perfect, so don't take this too far. Embracing the Orthodox faith is a sword that cuts both ways: at once it destroys death by death (hence the emptiness of non-existence is rendered moot) and it lays upon us the burden of responsibility - hedonism is a quite way back into a spirit of non-existence.

Of course, I'm not sure I am one to fully bring the concept to life here. But I believe "joyful sorrow" may be summed up in our response to our sin and death, to His life and Resurrection, and to our labor of preparation.

The Orthodox faith is not a diversion from our mortality (though it certainly does posit that existence continues), rather it often directs our attention away from the more "natural" distractions and insists that we ponder the moment of our repose. That time when the funeral songs of warning will be sung with us being the voiceless singer. Yes, turn off the TV, the internet, the noise of life...maybe walk out into the forest and see the life and death perpetually going on around you there and consider your grass-like life. Time is short. If you are round about my age, how many years do you expect to have left? 20, 30, 40 (if you are REALLY "lucky")? These may seem like a lot, but if you think about it, the first 40 hasn't seemed like very long and adulthood is mystical fast forward button on the clock of life.

Be prepared. I know I'm not, I have a lot to do.

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