Ahhhh....now here's a tame and safe lion!
That's right....here's a Jesus that YOU can control! No worries that He might challenge or surprise you, oh no, He'll do precisely what your denominational whims would have Him do.
Handle Snakes? You bet, with the Backwater Appalachian accesory kit available for $19.99
Speak in Toungues? Sure, he has a USB port with which you can even download your own voice into his memory chip..."Shama-lama-ding-dong" all you want! (USB cord sold seperately $19.99)
Predestination? No problem, with the Unstoppable Fall chip (available Fall of 2006 - $19.99), everytime your child drops Jesus He will say: "Well that was bound to happen."
Sola Scriptura? Of course, with the "Magic 8 Ball" viewing glass on the back of Jesus' head your child can ask Jesus questions, shake the tar out of Him, and then get the same reply everytime: "Why are you asking me, Go read the Bible."
House Churches? Not a problem, just get the Jesus Dream House Church and you can have Jesus sit down with a few friends and talk. Also comes with blue jeans (or shorts for hotter climates) and a guitar, all for $19.99
Imagine the fun your kids will have when they take all of their presuppostions and "play Jesus."