Ahhhh....now here's a tame and safe lion!

That's right....here's a Jesus that YOU can control! No worries that He might challenge or surprise you, oh no, He'll do precisely what your denominational whims would have Him do.

Handle Snakes? You bet, with the Backwater Appalachian accesory kit available for $19.99

Speak in Toungues? Sure, he has a USB port with which you can even download your own voice into his memory chip..."Shama-lama-ding-dong" all you want! (USB cord sold seperately $19.99)

Predestination? No problem, with the Unstoppable Fall chip (available Fall of 2006 - $19.99), everytime your child drops Jesus He will say: "Well that was bound to happen."

Sola Scriptura? Of course, with the "Magic 8 Ball" viewing glass on the back of Jesus' head your child can ask Jesus questions, shake the tar out of Him, and then get the same reply everytime: "Why are you asking me, Go read the Bible."

House Churches? Not a problem, just get the Jesus Dream House Church and you can have Jesus sit down with a few friends and talk. Also comes with blue jeans (or shorts for hotter climates) and a guitar, all for $19.99

Imagine the fun your kids will have when they take all of their presuppostions and "play Jesus."


Anonymous said…
Hey James,

Will you WARN me next time? I spewed water all over the monitor...

Liz (still choking)
Anonymous said…

Funny....all except the part where you made fun of glossolalia.

I'm a Deacon in verifiable and regular Apostolic succession and I speak in tounges and prophesy.

Orthodoxy could definately stand to re-embrace the Charisms as a normitive part of prayer, worship, and fellowship....they seem to have been relegated to something that only happens to monks....What do you think?

Dn. Kevin
fdj said…
Dn Kevin....

Well I try to step on as many toes as I can...save my own.

BTW, you said: "I'm a Deacon in verifiable and regular Apostolic succession", but are you Orthodox?

You don't hear much about tongues in Orthodoxy and I've even read at least one book that spoke poorly of it. What have the fathers said of it?

Could we stand to "re-embrace" it? Well, frankly I think we need to work on embracing the more important gifts like love...then maybe we can worry about tongues.

And I write as a former (and probably still am - though in a different way e.g. this blog) clanging gong.

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